Sarah Sanders and the White House Don’t Want You to Believe What Your Own Eyes Are Seeing
Kellee Knighten Hough
November 13, 2018

For all the talk of White House chaos stemming from Trump’s declining mental stability (whether said decline is from a rumored battle with dementia or narcissistic personality disorder is still up for debate), we can’t ignore a common thread running through his staff: they seem to be incompetent AF. From Eagle Scout letter mix-ups to tweets calling Melania by the wrong name, it looks as though many on the payroll at 1600 Pennsylvania are not actually qualified for the job. A remixed old adage fits perfectly here: Like employer, like employee. Sure, some of these things can be chalked up to human error, but when you represent the leader of the free world and the United States as a whole, errors are unacceptable.

In a time where this administration routinely lambasts verifiable truth as “fake news,” yet lies are lauded as “alternative facts,” it has become increasingly difficult to figure out whether or not this chaos is par for the course or purposefully planned. Take for instance the latest gaffe committed by none other than the US Press Secretary, Sarah Huckster-bee Sanders. This walking, talking, Chrysler 300 stands before our nation’s press everyday spinning lies into more lies and never blinks. (I honestly don’t know that she *can* blink with those wonky eyes, but that’s neither here nor there.) Her latest lie actually came with visual aids.

On the day after midterms, our tyrannical-tangerine, toddler-in-chief gave a press conference which could be classified as one of his most combative to date. At the podium, he seemed more defensive than usual, quick to insult reporters and rebuke their questions. He belittled National Urban Radio Network’s April Ryan, saying she was very rude and forcefully repeating “SIT DOWN!” when she would not let him escape a question on voter suppression. He chided PBSNewsHour’s Yamiche Alcindor when she asked about his proclamation of being a nationalist, calling her question “racist.” He pretended to not be able to understand a reporter who asked him about the two Muslim victors in the previous night’s election. The entire thing was a hot mess (you can read the transcript here).

The biggest showdown, however, took place on the front row between Trump and CNN’s Jim Acosta. Jim tried to get an answer as to why Trump and the GOP were classifying the caravan of asylum seekers traveling through Mexico as some sort of dangerous immigrant invasion right before midterms. Trump gave his usual non-answer, then got frustrated when he couldn’t escape Acosta’s follow-ups. As he repeatedly shouted “That’s enough!” a female white house aide tried to bumrush Acosta and snatch the mic, as he calmly stood there trying to get his question out. Most people who saw this in real time witnessed exactly that.

Later in the day, it was announced that the White House was revoking Acosta’s press pass. Huh? For what—asking a public servant questions the public wants answered? When asked for clarity, storytellin’ Sarah issued this statement: “President Trump believes in a free press and expects and welcomes tough questions of him and his Administration. We will, however, never tolerate a reporter placing his hands on a young woman just trying to do her job as a White House intern. This conduct is absolutely unacceptable.” When most of the sane American public read this, their response was a resounding “Girl, WUT?” Surely señorita smokey eye was mistaken because NOBODY in their right minds who witnessed that exchange would believe this load of nonsense, right?

Wrong.

As soon as the rebukes of her statement came rolling in, Huckabuck Sanders tweeted out a video which she claimed “clearly documented” the “inappropriate behavior” from her official Press Secretary account. It was liked over 100,000 times and retweeted almost 32,000 times. The trouble is, anyone with half a brain can see that this video was doctored to give the illusion of Acosta’s hand moving faster than it did in real life.

Another issue? The video reportedly originated from Infowars—a well known far right-wing conspiracy website who, along with their laughable leader Alex Jones, has been banned from almost all of social media and youtube due to propaganda tactics. Yet, the PRESS SECRETARY OF THE UNITED STATES is spreading their bovine excrement as FACT. What level of incompetence is this? I mean, we know the Trump administration is full of idiots, but really Sarah? Being built like a brick is bad enough, you gotta have a head like one too? Are you aware that you are the press secretary of the country, and not Trumpito’s personal PR agent? Or, could this all be purposeful persuasion via prevarication?

This White House knows their base is just a box full of dull tacks and tools, layered with rocks. Anything they throw out there will be accepted as the gospel truth (as found in “two Corinthians”). So as to continue their trend of discrediting the press while turning our democracy into a totalitarian regime, they are now citing Inforwars as a reliable source.

This is either the most inept administration of our lifetimes, or the most insidious one. Either way, America? You in danger, girl.

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